The internet creeps hard sometimes. Usually the trash that floats into our inbox sticks to the standard, semi-personalized ads for sex written by ESL students. But after a few glasses of Tang and Purple on Time. at full volume, the poetry in these messages start to appear like ghosts in a samurai movie, hippies in the sunshine or, so we’re told, pirate ships in a magic eye poster. Spam is the new outsider art, man, coming to a contemporary art museum near you any day now. How do we know the next big thing in culture you ask? Well obvi. Sword in the stone, dude. And so we read the internet.

But this newest discovery blows the hair right off the top of the bush-mound. Craigslist posts were sent to us from a few different people and we found a couple more in the same vein, shown here in screen grab format. We lobbied to get ‘em taken down but no one works at Craigslist apparently except for ho's and bartending schools. So we’re making lemonade here, drink it down and help us figure out if Wolfroy is up to no good again. Beast be uncontrollable these days. Or just buy the record from us on the (you guessed it!) internet. Like you have here.